THE TOP TEN LIST!!!

The one thing that I have zero tolerance for is tardiness and neglecting to do my work. I am an extremely flexible teacher and I would like to think that I'm cool when talking to my students. Well, even if I'm not perceived so, I try my best to make sure that my students know that I'm pretty relaxed and won't be up their grill all the time like how some teachers might be.

So, when kids come up to tell me that they did not finish my work...

... it really calls for:

THE TOP TEN THINGS OF RESPONSES TO STUDENTS WHO DON'T FINISH THEIR WORK


10. "OK... my work is not done... Great." *turn to the class monitor. "Pass me the machete."

9. "Very good... Everyone, please give a round of a applause to our greatest achiever. Really, don't be shy. Give him/her a hand... c'mon... you there, put down your pencil, give him/her a hand." *make sure they applaud for a good 5 minutes.

8. Drop down on your knees and start crying. Whip out a knife, put it to your throat and threaten suicide until he/she puts the work in front of you.

7. Give him/her a warm embrace. Hug him/her real tight. While hugging him/her, pat his/her back, give a slight tug every now and then for a good 30 seconds, and whisper in his/her ear, "You better watch your back kid.."


6. Stare at the student straight at the face with your nose right in front of his/hers (like you are almost kissing). Clasp the students shoulders, clench your teeth and tell the kid about how you once killed a cockroach with your spit.

5. Lift up your hand suddenly as though you want to slap the student; while he/she is trying to avoid or react, give the student a nice smile and just pat his face (almost caressing). Give the shake of the head slightly, chuckle every now and then, and keep on repeating the name i.e. "Hmm... he he he, Charlie, Charlie... Oh, Charlie, Charlie..."

4. Roll your sleeves, unbuckle your belt, push your hair to the back, gesture that you're wiping sweat off your brow, squat, stomp the right leg wide to the right followed by the left leg wide to the ride; slam your palms on your knees, and start the haka.

3. Walk up right to the front of him. Don't say anything, stare at the student straight to the face blankly, every few seconds, turn your head around his/hers as though searching for something, then scream at the top your lungs "HELLO!!!!!!!!?????? ANYONE HOME?!?!?!?!?!"

2. Slap him/her on the behind and purr like a cat.
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Tell the student to address him/herself as The One Who Forgot Homework when talking to you until The One Who Forgot Homework remembers to bring it. Everyone in class must follow this rule when referring to The One Who Forgot Homework.

*insert big-band jazzy ending with lots of exercise books thrown into the air